25 May 2007
05 May 2007
LAME JOKE
A 17th century captain was sailing along with his crew when a pirate ship came across the horizon.
The captain says,"Cabin boy, get me my red shirt." So he gets his red shirt and they victoriously battle the pirates.
Several days later, they spot another pirate ship off the port bow. "Cabin boy," says the captain, "get me my red shirt." They again battle the pirates and are victorious.
Later, when things had settled down, the cabin boy asks, "Captain, why do you always want your red shirt just prior to battle?"
The captain responds,"Well, in case I'm inflicted with a wound, I don't want the crew to see my injury and lose spirit."
"I see," said the cabin boy.
A few days later, they sight 20 pirate ships in the distance and the captain yells out,"Cabin boy, get me my brown pants!"
The captain says,"Cabin boy, get me my red shirt." So he gets his red shirt and they victoriously battle the pirates.
Several days later, they spot another pirate ship off the port bow. "Cabin boy," says the captain, "get me my red shirt." They again battle the pirates and are victorious.
Later, when things had settled down, the cabin boy asks, "Captain, why do you always want your red shirt just prior to battle?"
The captain responds,"Well, in case I'm inflicted with a wound, I don't want the crew to see my injury and lose spirit."
"I see," said the cabin boy.
A few days later, they sight 20 pirate ships in the distance and the captain yells out,"Cabin boy, get me my brown pants!"
ONE FOR THE LADIES
The psychic gazed at her Tarot cards and delivered the bad news: "I'm sorry, ma'am but there's just no easy way to say this: prepare to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent, horrible death within the year."
Visibly shaken, the woman stared at the single flickering candle, then down at her hands.
She took a few deep breaths, composed herself and asked,"Will I get away with it?"
Visibly shaken, the woman stared at the single flickering candle, then down at her hands.
She took a few deep breaths, composed herself and asked,"Will I get away with it?"
ONE FOR THE GUYS
A man was walking down the street when he heard a voice from behind, " If you take one more step, a brick will fall on your head and kill you."
The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished.
He went on, and after a while he was going to cross the road. Once again the voice shouted, "Stop!Stand still! If you take one more step a car will run over you, and you will die."
The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him.
The man asked."Who are you?"
"I am your guardian angel," the voice answered.
"Oh, yeah?" the man asked. "And where the hell were you when I got married?"
The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished.
He went on, and after a while he was going to cross the road. Once again the voice shouted, "Stop!Stand still! If you take one more step a car will run over you, and you will die."
The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him.
The man asked."Who are you?"
"I am your guardian angel," the voice answered.
"Oh, yeah?" the man asked. "And where the hell were you when I got married?"
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