BAD FORTUNE COOKIES

1. People are just being nice.
2. Your pets have never liked you.
3. Everything about you is getting smaller.
4. You will swing your arm and hit a lawyer.
5. You will take a long journey and forget to cut off the stove.
6. You will be injured in a disco inferno.
7. Live and don't learn.
8. She was faking.
9. If a man slaps you in the face, turn the other cheek and shoot him.
10. Beware of 10 year olds with pennies on skyscraper roofs.
11. 95% of the things that worry you will never happen, the other 5% will kill you.