YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK IF...

1. You ever cleaned your ears with your truck key.
2. Your pocketknife often doubles as a toothpick.
3. You ever have marital problems because your wife never lets you win at arm wrestling.
4. Directions to your house include "turn off the paved road".
5. The U.F.O. Hotline limits you to one call per day.
6. You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.
7. You honest-to-God think women are turned on by animal noises and seductive tongue gestures.
8. Your kids go hungry tonight because you had to have those Yosemite Sam mudflaps.
9. Your dog has a litter of puppies in the livingroom floor and nobody notices.
10. Your mailbox holds up one end of your clothes line.
11. During your wedding, when you kissed the bride your John Deere hat fell off.
12. You ever lost a tooth opening a beer.
13. YOU EVER USED LARD IN BED.